...

I don't know what happened after that
there was skin to skin contact with Mali's
Nigerian tunes on the Niger river
edward, the orphan
dance parties to fight off demons and the
begging of corrupt police for cash or they will take us in
that neighbor boy who accepted Jesus because you were determined

You then, were yourself.
& slowly tried to tear away at the comfortable skin
hoping to find someone better
burried
under there

your knees became raw in the search
hands enlarged and red
sleep loss
bones aching for bread for years
the seizures then took hold
banging your head against the concrete over and over
hospital beds

& God watched and wept because
he liked you just as you were
before you went on the search
to find someone else

I think you must have not yet discovered that God is that person for you
and you don't have to work so hard to get there

I begged God for answers of how to fix this and He simply said
"Love him just as he is"

and that was the hard road.

because my addiction had always been repair with arms clad
in needle and thread and long words
bandaids
to fix fix fix what is broken

But that too makes sense because you and I were born of the same cloth
always trying to find the solution instead of just letting God

and of course his answer would have been
to love as He loves us
& then it all made sense.