ET

it happened to me too
i get it

The devil had barely spoken but

I already believed every word

It took years 

To restore my brain

Could anxiety be a demon, I suppose he could be

Lurking about

Lusting for weakness

Maybe it makes him feel strong to try drown this well lit girl

The thing is is:

Something that holds light cannot be snuffed out

Because while the devil is pouring water on her fire

The holy spirits pours oil

Fish

I watch all of his fingers tremble

He feet barely move

Across the hospital floor as we accidentally take the long way

To the ER

They hook him up

The needles the bed the tiny robot whose mouth bites over his finger to check all the levels the blood the heartbeat

Nurse, she is like a dock for a boat

In the storm

Calm and able and stretched along side of him carefully putting into words what we all want to scream

You could have died

Rehab is the best option

Everyone is shaking their heads yes

Even he is this time

So they take him

I can hear my moms voice over her text

She says her organs are breaking

But her hands are empty of solutions 

Which is a rarity 

No closet

No dresser

Six metal bunk beds 

As if this is a jail cell

Visiting hours are on the weekend

He knows no one 

And then we just leave him there as if he deserves punishment or something of the sort 

Belize

You watch us, Papa

The three of us here

Sand between our toes

The wind breaking the heat of the sun in half

Eleven boats bop below the Pelicans 

One paddle broader unafraid

Though the waves are choppy 

like cement along a stone wall

Without rhythm 

Mustang 

The palms lean in toward the wind

Their shoulders 

& body tilted 

Firm

You will find my husband like a fish

Wet 

And unafraid of the break of the water

When I first met him he was clad and tall in Hawaiian shorts

His hair long and untamed like the water today

I think water is his home

I do not find this place 

to be a small thing

And I hope I never will

Become unaware of how large a gift it is

To sit here 

The sun massaging all of us

Soaking into our skin 

I hope I never become ungrateful 

Or expectant 

Of such lush and tropical things 

The break of water on the reef 

The week away from snow

The bacon fresh on the grill

Santa behind it, wooden spoon

Perfect eggs

The quiet woman with soft bones and a fierce spirit who cut all of the fruit and makes sure we are full of vegetables 

Here, One of the sisters I never had who is bold

Confident 

And sure 

The reflections of the sun sparkling 

The teal of the water 

You watch us, and you must know

I am thankful.