Prayer

I have found it hard to pray 

Unless it is written like I write and why should it be any different really 

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I don't care if he doesn't have the words or the strength anymore I will have the words and the strength for him and so father I ask that you close this gap let me be a sacrifice standing in the center of this darkness let your light from the throne room peek in as I put one foot in his room and one in yours and ask that they join

Isn't this the purpose of prayer and so God i wrestle and ask again and beg and wonder why you never healed him yet even though I've been begging for years 

Heck it doesn't matter I'm going to pray anyway and believe that you've heard it all 

Despite the lack of movement 

And then you remind me where he was last year you ask me to ponder to wonder to see the way his hands couldn't stop shaking being of the intake of alcohol and then I'm reminded that soon there after he was sent in a lunatic to a place he called prison while we waited for him to be made well 

And then I remember that he's asking begging pleading for help even though a year ago he had disappeared thinking he was well 

And so these questions he's asking this is grace 

He's still here able to have a conversation 

Sober from the boos 

Sober from the death of a close friend and so I ask God 

Continue to heal the brother I so dearly love