August 1, 2014 : & i still mean it, sir.

To make it work, you know REALLY work
This thing you call love and marriage and family
you gotta listen hard
And at all costs, sir, my friend, my friends husband
follow what He tells you

He will give you wisdom you know
REAL wisdom
And she’s worth it.

fire

It has been almost two years
since I saw your fire:
four
since the fire began

we had carved out a little corner of the shop
sat on coffee sacks and had laughed before it had all happened

since

there was a little voice over the phone
and intentional restringing of the needle, the thread
after I apologized and I meant it
I hadnt wanted to hurt you

I remember
a story about guns and coffee and him stepping over you while you lay on the ground
minimal chit and chat about the boyfriend, the worship circle, the church
i remember the moment at the wedding when you told me to keep my hair long
it was my trade mark

ive since cut it off. it was a year and a half ago. you havent ever seen it.

the voice, line stretched across the states
ziggzagging a few stitches between what was ripped up
but it will not be the same, can it

your sisters told me it was ok, to continue on, to go ahead
that you would be alright, that I hadnt done anything wrong but
you said I had betrayed you and I hadnt meant to

I will see you tomorrow, fire

i dont know what it will be like
or where I will put my hands
or if you will try to hug me
or if you will mean it

is it because I expect to see it, bitterness, anger, jealousy,
or is it because it is there

i dont know. but I will see you tomorrow.

i wish that I could tell you that
I love who you are
that I know a small fraction of where you are because I have been there
that I hope the best for you
that I am sorry if there is still saddness
I wish I had waited
I wish it hadnt ruined all of this
that maybe someday years from now
with the same Jesus in us both
you and I will recognize each other again
and become the friends we were meant to be
and once were

because I love you and your fire and eclectic style and the cartoon of your hands and the way you love the earth and I could never bring myself to do anything but pot plants

i love you

alot. 

i've been away...

from the blogger world, and well, I've missed it.

there is something i have discovered about creativity... whether it be creativity as a mother, or a mailman or a beermaker or a pastor or an artist, writer, photographer... when you spread yourself too thin you are sucked dry. I've been dry as a writer. and I want to come back.

Since I was blogging last, I got married. this was the first reason that I switched to tumblr because my old blog included my old name, & as a friend once said "I want to be about what my husband is about" -- I wanted to embrace his name, in the same way that I embrace our life together. Since writing on blogspot, I out a couple other "venues" to write. nothing was quite the same though as this. I couldn't find my other blogger friends easily. I couldn't share their words or let their words inspire me as easily because I didnt have this fat little stacked collection on the browser were I could peek in and see when they "updated". I want back in. Let me back.

I knew it was time to write again because I kept shampooing peoples hair imagining what I would write about them if I just could get my hands on a keyboard. I have been writing in my head. and then a few people confessed that they have been going, sometimes, to my old blogger home chelsgentry.blogspot.com, and rereading my old posts and I began missing that old spot where I landed for years.

i have also been inspired by other writers. they say to write well you must read much and when I read three of my dearest friends thankfulness here: 3000gifts.blogspot.com, or this wisdom: tammydykstra.blogspot.com , & my friends words at jkenglishsessions.blogspot.com I would remember the years we would collect our paintings on white lined paper, paintings made with words and I would feel thick with excitement as I read hers and I knew, I must come back. I must write. I was made for this.

and so I hope I am able to. I hope I am able to glorify Jesus and make him big here. I have been thinking so much lately about how when I die I hope that my words either typed or written are one thing that can point people toward Jesus... because if I point people toward Jesus I have succeeded in all my long years here on earth. If you are reading this, thank you for joining me. again.

Chelsea Garter

if He gives me the days...

[PS. PLEASE COPY THIS IDEA.]

* will probably never have a check next to them because they are things I'd like to do continuously throughout all of life

and these are not in order of priority.

1. visit/stay at a monastery
2. finish my degree
3. become a fitness trainer/nutritionist
4. have a baby out of my crotch
5. adopt a child
6. (CHECK! November 2014) have a dog
7. get a motorcycle
8. roadtrip/train trip out west
9. live in homer alaska with the hubby for a summer
10. mentor young woman *
11.
12.
13.knit a blanket
14. learn to sew clothes
15. (CHECK 2015) enter artprize
16. Galleries.
17. (CHECK 2014) get a good camera
18. (CHECK) Have sex with my hub
19. (CHECK. no comment. ) Have sex in weird fun places
20. Take a train to NYC, and then go to a Broadway in NYC
21. broadway: Lion King
22. Blog the gospel*
23. (CHECK) Go horse back riding (thanks Stef!)March 2012
24. (CHECK... though they weren't great.) Shoot my own engagement photos
25. love people intentionally *
26. #1. love God. *
27. (CHECK... at HsAP) Become an art teacher (maybe teach it college level someday)
28. Take a pottery class
29. (CHECK) become a cosmetologist April 2011
30. (CHECK) See Wicked in broadway 2010?
31. Broadway: Phantom of the Opera
32. Broadway: Les Miserable
33. Write the bible
34. Read Ahab's wife
35. Write Poetry Manuscripts *
36. Have a flower garden
37. grow my own herbs
38. (CHECK) dye my hair copper/red January 2012
39. (CHECK - 2013) Dye my hair platinum
40. (CHECK- the few underneath will be enough for me.) dreadlocks.
41. (CHECK... Sept 1, 2012) get married
42. (CHECK) skydive. Summer 09
43. Skydive with my husband
44. learn how to snowboard
45. more dark room classes
46. get a zoom lens
47. (CHECK 2014) get a big computer with light-room
48. (CHECK,  a small one, for Nora English, 2011) knit a blanket
49. get a tattoo
50. Suffer a death of a close one well. Suffer well. (Ps 34:1)
51. Work out three times a week *
52. make music*
53. Become a carpenter of sorts
54. Memorize Scripture *
55. Cook kick-butt meals for people *
56. Become gluten free, really.
57. Get a massage table and love people this way
58. (CHECK) go cross-country skiing (with Max March 2012)
59. Travel, photograph, paint *
60. own a small cottage/cabin that other people can go to as well
61. (CHECK) Make really big pillows
62. Blog to 10,000
63. go to a bed and breakfast up in the Northern cold cold part of Michigan
64. Take criticism well *
65. (CHECK 2014) get a sewing machine
66. love unconditionally *
67. work at a plant/flower shop.
68. Great wolf lodge.
69. Paint sailboats, lots of them.
70. Work at founders
71. Be hot still at 65 years old
72. Make my hub and my kids feel good about who God has made them because of the love of God in me. *
73. (CHECK!!!!! : WhoVille Race at Riverside with Max and Jeanie, 2014)Run a 5k
74. Study counseling or coaching
75. Counsel couples with Max
76. Corkboard: goals, dreams, personalities, how to love well - up in our house
77. See all of my brothers get married.
78. (CHECK, with Max, once Married, 2012) own my own house
79. (CHECK: Max bought me one in 2012 but it didn't live long... sadly) get a jeep
80. go to switzerland, Sweden, Ireland, spain
81. Get a kick-butt bike
82. (CHECK: from rachel and jared moberg for our wedding) get a bike rack
83. get my belly button pierced after having a baby
84. (CHECK: thanks babe.) art room in my house for all my art crap
85.  clean, organized, well lived in home
86. (CHECK 2014) teach art to high schoolers (HSB?)
87. Share the gospel with a stranger
88. Muffin mission
89. Pray for someone every single day (like the lil old lady did for Max) *
90. Teach young women how to love their hubs
91. have a house that smells so good
92. share well. *
93. borrow well. *
94. Say sorry easily. But healthily.*
95. Learn more about painting.
96. (CHECK - class with nate 2015) learn more about photography (digital)
97. (CHECK, Oct 1, 2012) Pay off all school debt.
98. Make my besties a painting.
99. (CHECK, for Christmas 2012) paint my parents home.
100. be in love still at 65 years old, no regrets.
101. finish the house. live in all of the space well.
102. Studio space - office rental available to others.
103. be a barista
104. hospitable. *
105. write 25 really really good songs.
106. travel to every state
107.
108. hike. hike. hike. *
109. Camp. camp. camp. * get a camper
110. Get two person tent.
111. learn to croquet
112. give away 1000 $ at one time
113. (CHECK, August, 2012) Meet Gidget
114. Learn to love my hub well
115. Disciple women in my living room.
116. own my own gallery/art space/hair salon/store
117.
118. paint a portrait of Max
119. (CHECK April 2013 with my man friend)go to hawaii
120. Take a group of kids out west
121. (CHECK) live in community SBR 2007-2009
122. (CHECK) Finish the SBR lion painting.
123. (CHECK 2014) K Berry as my Neighbor
124. Go to europe and backpack and stay in hostels with the man friend and take pictures like crazy
125. Say thank you Abba, everyday.*
126. (CHECK, BEACH! Sept 1, 2012, Max Garter) get married in a field or on the beach.
127. (CHECK) art show that I am proud of at Madcap March - May 2012
128. write a book.
129. (CHECK - with Tally Ho 2015)Photo Project for a year
130. enjoy being a Mom and Wife as first priority.
131. make videos
132.
133. Keep only what I need. sustain this lifestyle.
134. Finish "8 minutes in the morning" straight through.
135. be unafraid what people think of me.
136. YWAM
137.
138. (CHECK) live in Alaska Winter 2010
139. Own a leather couch that you can sink into
140. (CHECK... Max Garter, hubba hubba) Be married to a man with manly hands and aspirations
141. hot tub in a hot spring
142. Make a loft in my house
143. go to ireland
144.Make funny videos on youtube (with Jana) make people laugh, bring joy and talk about real things
 145. Take Max to Lake Tahoe
 146. start a womens blog with friends
 147. go to england
 148. adopt a child with special needs
 149. live near water
 150. buy max a big leather chair
 151. *have a happy husband.
 152. get a corkboard with our personalities, dreams, goals etc on it
 153. live in a yurt for a time
154.sit in a hot spring
155. take a mud bath
156. own an animal hide rug someday
157. go to yellowstone national park
158. go on a cruise
159. live in a bathing suit
160. grow wildflowers
161. be happy with my bodies health and fitness
162. become a personal trainer
163.
164. see Maxs hair in a poneytail again
165. finish a bible read through
166. ride a camel
167.
168. see a bear in the wild
169. 10 ORPHANS
170. (CHECK 2013) cut my hair and love it
171. grow my own christmas tree
172.
173.
174.
175. (CHECK 2013) get hunter boots
176. be sunshine in this world *
177. go snowshoeing
178. Paint insects
179. Paint organs
180. Paint ocean, africa again, western animals