E.

 I met her because a dear friend and coworker decided to move with her husband
and the baby growing inside of her
to Grand Haven
she asked me if I would take Evelyn, and I said yes
I knew to some extent what it was I was saying yes to
but I didn't know that
 
underneath most of her toenails is yellow dead skin
each one is lifted, sitting high on a pillow of it
and it is my job to carve and peel that all off and back
and file down the raw edges that jab into her shoes and rub up against the other toenails fighting for space in her shoes
it is I that
cuts away at the excess nailbed

usually she cannot feel her feet, in the years past
but recently, feeling has come back
and when I press and massage and move her feet in circles
increasing circulation,
she winces

there are places on her feet that are inflamed and swollen
red with pus or something underneath
because she took a file to it herself or cut at it with a knife

one day she pulled out a real pair of scissors and asked me to go at her mass of a callus with it
and I told her no and to put her scissors away

her laugh is never full
it is half and tired and partial
the same way that her arms move to move a piece of hair out of her face
slow and passive and crinkle- crackle-y

sometimes she is late for her appointments and so I dont fill the bowl till she checks in
sometimes she forgets her appointment all together (because of the roads, or the late night before)
or
if she comes
she waddles in and sits heavy in her seat
heavy because it takes us ever so long to get from her seated position in the chair of the waiting room
into the pedicure bowl in the back
lately she has brought a cane to help support her in her journeys
and most of the girls say "she probably shouldnt even get pedicures" or if I meantion
"I have E today," they say "shh, im trying to eat." like they couldn't if they thought of her

but it isn't fungus
she has been cleared by the nurse
and so
we continue

I wear gloves.
usually I find toenails stuck in my leggings or boots after I am done
or dead skin
and really, everytime I am done I throw out the file
just in case

After each Pedicure where we go over again how she likes her nails short and how she needs the newest of new people magazine yes the one with the date in the future and I travel all over the salon to find it, and how we discuss that the salon got rid of her favorite colors,

after each pedicure I go to the front and get her a French Vanilla coffee with exactly four creamers, and we move her load of a soul of a human into the processing room where she sometimes stays for an hour, feet up, drying, breathing, reading, drinking coffee with so much sugar in it I dont know how she handles it, and then she slowly lumbers to the front but only after a ten minute putting-her-shoes-on process and checks out.

I get the feeling that though Evelyn never married she is not lonely
she is slow and sadly content and unenthusiastic about life
she has a friend, but doesn't put boy and friend into the same word
because even though he is younger and interested in marrying E
she doesn't want to move to Flint someday

but every pedicure she tells me how he comes,
sometimes daily
to care for her lawn, or her mail, or her animals, or heaven forbid, her toenails
and I say that she needs to marry Tony and she laughs and says that since he someday will move to Flint to be with his daughter
it is out of the question
but then tells me about his pond and fish hobby
or the movie they just saw

once, days ago she was a teacher
and still takes once-a-week-travels to Muskegon where the school was
her hair is washed and shopping is done
and it exhausts her

she has pigeons or guinea foul or something like that
and horses, I think
I dont know how she manages to feed them when she can barely carry her own legs places



you know, I used to complain every time she came in and roll my eyes if she forgot to come
but them God reminded me that we are asked to rub feet
we are asked to "care take"
to be shade, and light and love and water
to get on our knees

and sometimes I remind myself that maybe E is actually an angel
a real angel
with really bad feet (to see, can I love?)

and it helps me to remember to love her well
and it was then, when that sunk in,
that she became my friend
and not just a pair of bad feet.