C

Bon Iver is there 

Licking the noise 

You and I have chosen him over Christmas music 

The hour carries on and charcoal pencils scratch at the surface of black paper

Acrylic paint falls from tubes like a druel 

You throw down your paintbrush after I speak

and I find your tiny art in the trash

The paint is raised and the darks are brilliant next to the white 

The edges are cut imperfectly and close to the reflective objects 

carefully I compliment and critique because both of these you have blown up at saying 

I'm lying because you can do better and I'm lying 

Quietly I ask if we can talk after class while you project your feelings about your work onto me as if I said those rude things that you have said to yourself as you try and build the color

You stand 

all of yourself turned into your oversized Levi jean jacket

Hair long and rude over your shoulders 

The apron packed away 

No septum piercing today 

all I have said is

You could be an artist someday...for real, and I love your style, and great work on the tonal value 

Maybe develop this spot a little more 

And you remind me of myself but still

You say I'm lying 

And why don't I critique you more

And then I can't win because I have also tried that

I ask you to not yell during class

And also not to tell me I'm lying at least not in front of all the other students carefully bringing their work to a glow

because it comes across as disrespectful 

And you cry

You didn't mean to be disrespectful 

And I tell you that I know that 

And that its okay

I try to hug you but you tap on my back and stiffen

You tell me you really really like me

That I have good jams

To sit next to you because you are lonely

But push away every piece of sweet words I have to say

As if they are poison and unable to make you more

I call Vicki and she tells me

Yes yes you did the correct thing and 

Then

Thank you for being you

And I wince and accept it with a tiny window of my brain and then

Realize how easy it must be

To not believe 

Even

One 

Word of kindness.